Last night I had a dream about attending some kind of professional conference with my wife. I got lost and confused at the airport. I recall wandering around, looking for wherever I was supposed to be and worrying that I was too late or in the wrong place.
I was also worried that I hadn't brought the right clothes, or enough clothes. Wife was encouraging, and I finally found stuff to wear. But I have this weird memory of not being completely dressed, or being inappropriately dressed. The people at the conference were laughing and making inside jokes, just like I remember from my old Telephone Company days when the same group would gather once a year in some airport motel and reconnect with old friends. But I was a stranger to these people. I can't remember now and maybe during the dream didn't even know why I was there, and I felt like I had to meld in with the crowd.
At one point I remember pulling out some old jeans and remarking that they needed washing. This was probably a hangover from "real life," because we have a lot of washing to catch up on today from our recent journeys.
Maybe this dream was a reflection of my general feeling of being like a fish out of water sometimes. This happens in various settings, including professional music engagements with other musicians and also in professional gatherings associated with work. I'm used to being an outsider and also accustomed to the vague uneasiness of not knowing exactly what to do, what to say or what to wear. In small groups I'm fairly comfortable, especially if the discussion is about something with which I am familiar. But in large groups, whether they be social or professional settings, I typically have this "fish out of water" sensation.
I play music professionally (not for a living though), so people see me up on stage and see that I'm comfortable with being the center of attention. But they don't realize that the comfort level they witness is due to my competence at playing keyboards. I'm really not much of a "life of the party" kind of guy but instead highly introspective. That's why blogging has such an attraction for me.